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July 17, 2006

Jiffy Lube

It's always fun when a quick lube place comes up on an automotive forum. Everyone trots out their own "why I started doing my own oil" stories, which invariably involve being ripped off by the quick lube.

Such is my case. Between the insane prices they rocketed to a couple years ago ($40 for an oil change? I could run synthetic for cheaper!) and repeated problems, Jiffy Lube had just about pushed me too far. Left an oily rag on the engine once, constantly tried to sell me air filters by showing me my "dirty" (perfectly clean) air filter, lost three of my filter housing clips... but when I had to have an oil change and didn't have the time to do it elsewhere, I still fell back on Jiffy.

Until the last time. Yes, I needed new wiper blades. And the air filter attempts weren't outright lies, they were just preying on the unknowledgeable applying their household standards for dirty to their car parts.

But the last time, dude completely invented other services to cross-sell me. Shortly after Jiffy Lube had started offering differential fluid changes, I took my Heep in for a quick oil change. It took forever to begin with, but dude came in at the end with differential fluid all over his finger. "Hey, you should really get your differential fluid changed, dude. See this? It's supposed to be a honey color and yours is all dark and shit." (Nothing inspires confidence more than some kid in a jumpsuit telling you your fluids are "all dark and shit.")

Unfortunately for him, I had the upper hand: I'd just had the differential fluid drained and replaced the week prior. Even a complete failure of the differential wouldn't have left the fluid looking that bad in four days' time. I pointed this out, to which his response was well-played: "Well I don't know, man, you should take it back to wherever 'cause it totally looks burnt."

The best part was his mumbling "Damn, this shit stinks. I'm never gonna get that smell off" as he walked back out of the waiting room. Take that, suckafool! Yeah, buddy, all that sulfur in gear oil is pretty stinky. Guess they left that part out in the memo about selling more diff lubes.

Haven't been back to Jiffy Lube since, and nor will I be.

Posted by Colin at July 17, 2006 10:59 AM

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