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July 17, 2006


I do so love it when my father's parents call.

Grandfather: So, how many girlfriends do you have these days?

Me: ...

Grandfather: I bet you have at least one or two, right? How many? Two? Three?

Me: Sure, grandpa, I've got a couple.

Grandfather: I hope some of 'em are lookers. How many of them are real lookers? At least one of 'em, I bet.

Me: Yeah, one of them is pr...

Grandfather: They better be keeping you busy the right way, ha ha!

Me: (Oh Jesus, help me.) Ha ha, yeah... they keep me busy enough.

And then of course comes the inevitable:

Grandfather: You know, your father was about your age when he met your mother.

Me: Oh, was he?

Once in a very, very rare while I manage to escape a phone call with my grandfather completely forgetting to ask about how many women I'm seeing. But the majority of conversations always manage to work it in. We can be discussing something completely unrelated when WHAM! it comes back to my personal life.

If I didn't feel it incredibly rude, my once-and-final answer would be "I'm only in my twenties, and unlike you I'm not expecting to wake up dead tomorrow. Can it." But despite the truth in that statement (they've quit doing a variety of things because it's "too dangerous" and keep trying to get my dad to act like he, too, is in his late 80s and sure to fall apart), and how much I dislike the prodding, something just doesn't feel right about talking to your grandparents that way.

Not those grandparents, anyway. I could get away with talking to my mom's mom that way. She'd think it was a riot. But she also doesn't live like she's going to break a hip (as well she shouldn't, since she's the bionic woman with her state-of-the-art aftermarket replacement parts) and wither away tomorrow. Nor does she pry into who I am or am not dating.

Posted by Colin at July 17, 2006 12:23 AM


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