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September 15, 2004

ˇMis huevos chupan!

I find the title for this entry rather frightening, knowing my past experiences with Google, but I'm keeping it anyway.

I've been cooking since I was a wee lad, "helping" my mother in the kitchen (read: eating dessert scraps). As a result, I've got a decent grip on cooking. I can grill. I can bake. I can pan-sear. I can make some ungodly complex recipes, and I'm not afraid to invent new dishes as I go along.

The one thing I absolutely cannot successfully make, however, is scrambled eggs. I can make omelets. I can make perfect hard-boiled eggs without a trace of grey around the yolk. But no matter how I try, those perfect fluffy chunks of scrambled egg refuse to appear in my pan. I can make scrambled eggs, mind you, but they don't look like scrambled eggs should. Instead of big cloud-like shapes, they look more like slices of deli meat.

This morning I fixed myself a breakfast burrito -- using two eggs -- and it was disappointingly thin due to the nature of the eggs. They would have fit right in in the flat-packed kingdom of Ikea, but they were terribly out of place in a tortilla.

As a result, I actually looked up recipes for scrambled eggs this morning and found what I did wrong: I pulled the eggs outward instead of pushing them inward. But even when I move the scrambled embryo in the proper direction, they never come out the way my parents or Marie could manage.

From this continual failure, it's obvious I'm not meant to be a line cook at any restaurant that serves breakfast. And that when I settle down and shack up, it will have to be with someone who can actually make proper scrambled eggs to cover for my inadequacy.

Posted by Colin at September 15, 2004 10:55 AM

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