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August 13, 2004

Friday the 13th

It's good to see someone's using Friday the 13th to their advantage this month. This year's been pretty boring insofar as Friday the 13ths. Back in the good old days of elementary school, it meant Skateland had dirt cheap skating. When you're "all growed up" in a relative sense, though, it's just another boring day.

Unless you happen to live in Chandler or drive past Warner and Ray!

Everyone's favorite wacky evangelicals, The Door Christian Center, have apparently decided people need God on an accursed day like today. I haven't seen them out in months, which is fairly unusual. But there they were today at Warner and Ray, doing their thing. I wondered what was going on at first. The first warning I had was my brother saying, "Weird. There's some guy up there passing out flyers." Not one to repeat past experiences with sketchy characters stuffing flyers in my car, I rolled up all the windows as we came up on the intersection.

As the Escalade in front of me rolled through the light illegally, I saw the bullhorn in the grass. And another guy with one in his hand, preparing to speak. I knew it then: The Door! They're pretty much known locally as the annoying loons who pop up a couple times a year. I find them distasteful because it's one of the vitriol-spewing sects of Christianity that condemns everyone but those in their fold to a life in hell.

In fact, there have long been accusations that they're not a church at all, but a bona fide brainwashing Koolaid-drinking cult.

From an article about this charming organization:

A five-year-old Girl said, "I think they're going to do it again if I go back."

Back in 19-96, family court judge ruled the five-year-old Indiana girl could never go back to the church.

The girl said a Prescott, Arizona pastor dressed as the devil and made her put her hands in a bucket of blood.

Pastor Dan Mazon responded, "That's the problem with this generation that does not understand fear."

Those of us with working windows and stereos are much better off than owners of convertibles, motorcycles, or people stuck pulling a 4/60. Today's solution to their distasteful blather was to roll all the windows up, turn the radio up to 30, and stare straight ahead at the light, ignoring the guy to my right who's undoubtedly obsessing about the fate of my soul and the eternal damnation I will face as a result of not taking the goldenrod yellow handbill he copied at Kinko's.

For future reference, annoying The Door people: Don't. Touch. My Car.

If you'd like to learn more about The Door, there's a collection of information at the Rick A. Ross Institute. For others, the simple words "they believe in Jack Chick tracts" may sufficiently tell you what you need to know. That and there's a history of their members being detained and/or arrested at festivals they've appeared in throughout the state.

They're also one of the churches that believed the end of days was supposed to come with the new millennium. Despite the fact we're all still here in 2004 and haven't seen the Second Coming, they continue to insist it'll all be over any day now.

Posted by Colin at August 13, 2004 4:54 PM

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