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May 12, 2004

Somers: The Sexy Years

Half the fun of going to Borders is seeing what new books have come out recently that I wasn't aware of. While shopping for a Mother's Day gift, I stopped into Borders' Mesa location, picked up a CD, and queued at the checkstand.

While I was standing in line, the smiling late-model face of Suzanne Somers stared back at me from a blue background. Intrigued, I squinted to read the title floating over her obviously-retouched visage. Even Suzanne Somers' constantly-reconstructed "youth" does not feature perfectly white teeth or a wrinkle-free face (not to mention how puffy and horrible her recent press photos are).

"The Sexy Years," the cover read in large white letters.

"The Sexy Years?," I mused aloud.

I know Somers has been on an alternative health-nutrition-whathaveyou kick lately (and apparently repeated plastic surgery is among it), but I didn't know she'd taken the headlong dive into writing fiction.

Of course she can have the sexy years despite being almost sixty. Coming from the money she does, she doesn't have to age like mere mortal women. But how, exactly, is she qualified to write a book telling mere mortals the secrets of her undying "beauty?" Why would I take "natural" advice from a woman who has opted for the nip-and-tuck approach year after year to slough off the decades?

Even the full title of her opus leads to intrigue: "The Sexy Years: Discover the Hormone Connection: The Secret to Fabulous Sex, Great Health, and Vitality, for Women and Men". It's currently rated 181 on Amazon.com's sales lists. $25 for 384 pages of advice she herself has probably not taken. "Eat, Cheat, and Melt the Fat Away," indeed. Mostly cheating, in her case.

The title isn't quite accurate, either, gauging by reviews from several locations. Apparently the entire book is centered around how to deal with menopause. Given men don't suffer menopause (except secondhand) and no amount of "natural estrogen creams" are going to make us feel more womanly again or remoisten our vaginas, I don't quite see where most of this text applies to the barely-minority with the Y chromosome.

There's only one minor improvement in this self-help book over Somers' previous: this time, she's not trying to sell her own products. But I wouldn't be surprised if she holds a stake in the natural drug companies whose products she plugs throughout it.

Posted by Colin at May 12, 2004 1:10 AM

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Hmm, where are you, exactly? :) That Borders is 3 minutes from my house.

Posted by: Adam at May 17, 2004 12:12 AM

I'm in Chandler. Even though there's a store here, Mesa's closer for me. Probably, eh, 10 minutes from my house given the sucky traffic on northbound Alma School.

Posted by: Colin at May 20, 2004 10:49 AM

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