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March 2, 2004

Just Say No

This message brought to you by the fashion police: just say no to trucker hats.

Ladies, there is nothing sexy at all about a $40 trucker hat that cost Von Dutch $0.50 to make sitting cockeyed and sideways atop your head. I don't care if it has a brand name like Von Dutch, I don't care if it's snarky and sarcastic. It looks stupid and ugly.

There is nothing cute, sexy, or even remotely attractive about most girls in a trucker hat.

And your attractive-to-fugly ratio only continues down the bad side of the slope when coupled with the recent fashion trend of using pajamas as everyday clothing. Or worse, velour track suits.

I find myself questioning if some of you even own a single mirror. A dressy blouse does not belong with a pair of pajama pants. Trucker hats belong on nobody. There's a rather large no-(wo)man's-land between "haute couture" and "mainstream fashion" that we shall dub "damn fugly." Far too many of you are homesteading there.

And guys? The no velour tracksuits or pajama pants goes doubly for you (or us, or however you'd like to read this). Most women don't fare well using pajamas as a fashion -- you somehow think you're going to look better? And in case you're caught unawares, the average pajama pant does not do much to, how shall I word this... properly package the goods. No person should be subjected unwillingly to the pendulous movements of your nether regions. If you happen to be Ron Jeremy, this is even more imperative. Pants, men, pants.

Put on some damn pants, America. Denim, khaki, twill, nylon. I don't care. Just not pajama pants or velour. Instead of making a comfortable theatre seat, that velour is just making your ass look huge, which you would have noticed if you consulted a mirror.

Posted by Colin at March 2, 2004 5:28 PM

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